Cycles

Cycles
June 19, 2009
I play out the scenes of my mothers life
A single momma and nobodys wife
Raising a child and still tryin to get grown
Trying to figure out the way when I never was shown
And Im old beyond my earthly years
Yet Im still trapped inside of a four year olds fears
Sheddin tears
for a mama whos angry and a daddy whos gone
Little girl singing songs of the sounds of silence
Hiding under her bed at night
waitin for light and the monsters to go away
A new day
comes with same names but different shames that push her to her limit
creating rocky pathways to teenage years filled with fourteen year old fears and shallow tears
IM HERE
she screams in sound waves that fall on deafened ears
Everyone dealin with their own dysfunction
This junction
in my life could have been forseen by psychics with much less intuition than me
But somehow I didn’t see
it coming
Till it was too late and a car wreck after a bad date
with drugs and disease and crime and police screaming Freeze!
Im frozen –
been here for about thirty three years now
paralyzed from the waist down
stuck in the same position
with legs spread and soul dead
the only thing that changes is the faces and yeah, well sometimes the places
but didn’t your daddy tell you you couldn’t run from your problems
And half the time they get there before I do screaming we got you
for life
nigga
And I used to think that if I could just get a lil bit bigga – things could be different
If ida known then what I know now
I would kept my black ass four somehow
cause as painful as it was then
I could still hide under my bed
and it be OK
if I didn’t come out that bitch for days
but now I got rent to pay and a mouth to feed
and no I aint talkin about me
cause it was just about me Id probably starve to death
but that three year old is depending on me for her health
and so I step into the kitchen and try to have more mediation in my heart than bitchin
But that’s hard sometimes
especially after time 99 that he was supposed to come home and didn’t
Cycles